The Anniversary Effect
Surviving the Whipple Procedure and other major surgeries creates milestones that change your life forever. For many, the day of a major surgery becomes a personal holiday, a moment to celebrate survival and renewed hope. But healing is not just physical. Emotional and psychological challenges often follow, sometimes triggered by the anniversary of the surgery itself. This phenomenon is known as the "anniversary effect." In this post, I share my journey through these experiences, how I celebrate life after the Whipple Procedure, and how I learned to face the anniversary effect with courage and support.
The Day I Lived: Celebrating the Whipple Procedure Anniversary
In 2018, I underwent the Whipple Procedure to remove a tumor from the head of my pancreas. The tumor turned out to be non-cancerous, a blessing not everyone receives. Since then, I have celebrated the anniversary of that surgery every year. To me, it is the day I truly lived—a day I survived and woke up to a second chance.
My celebration is simple but meaningful:
I wear a small, silly tiara I wore to prom in high school. I do it because I can! There was a chance I would not have survived the surgery or could have passed from cancer, so I celebrate the day I lived!
I enjoy cake with my husband!
I ask my church to send out special prayers for families and patients still fighting in hospitals.
I enjoy this beautiful world outside and appreciate the beauty I get to experience!
This ritual grounds me. It turns a day that could be filled with fear or sadness into one of hope and gratitude.
When Challenges Return: Pancreatitis and a Total Pancreatectomy
Two years after my Whipple Procedure, I began experiencing monthly bouts of pancreatitis. These episodes often landed me in the hospital for about a week at a time, every two weeks, if not every month, repeating for over a year. The pain and uncertainty were overwhelming.
To address this, I underwent a Total Pancreatectomy and Splenectomy combined with Islet Cell Transplantation. The surgery went well, and my recovery was smooth. Yet, the journey was far from over.
The Anniversary Effect: When Memories Trigger Anxiety
Two years after my total pancreatectomy, I started having panic attacks and symptoms of PTSD that literally started on the anniversary date. The flashbacks were the worst. These flashes of memories are vivid, like you are suddenly there again, stuck in the hospital, strapped to an IV pole with the line like a chain, stretching from a needle on the inside of your elbow like a cuff that sets an alarm off every time you bend your arm. You feel and smell everything you did in those moments: the fatigue, the pain, the emotion. Then you snap back to the present, leaving you gripped in adrenaline, your heart racing because you have never felt anything so vivid in your life. Will it happen again? Why did it happen at all? How do you make it stop? One minute you're standing there, and the next a single object sets you down the most vivid flashback you have ever had.
PTSD can cause:
Panic attacks without clear triggers
Heightened anxiety and stress
Flashbacks or intrusive memories
Emotional numbness or irritability
When I started to struggle with PTSD, I would go to this beautiful white church at the end of the road I used to live on and sit in the car and talk to God. I would pray and talk with God, because more than anything, I didn't want to talk to my family about it. I still believe that those around you who go down your medical journey with you also endure the same trauma. They are seeing a loved one go through multiple major surgeries, go in and out of the hospital, and struggle on their own. I didn't want to add one more thing to their shoulders. So I took my burdens to Jesus and asked him for help. I started going to that church, and it changed my life.
My panic attacks were so severe that they prevented me from going home, though I couldn't identify any logical reason for it. I would sit at the church and pray to Jesus until I calmed down and felt well enough to drive home. I experienced panic attacks continuously, day after day, sometimes for weeks. Through online research, I recently discovered that this intense anxiety, which feels like a constant mild panic attack and can quickly escalate into a full-blown anxiety attack, is known as hypervigilance.
I honestly don't know if it's possible to get better with PTSD without seeking help. I don't think I could have gotten better if I hadn't, maybe because I already had anxiety issues. PTSD is serious. It's a major problem, and I believe one of the most effective approaches to addressing major problems is by using various strategies. I approached it by seeking counseling, attending church, and praying, along with employing several other small techniques. Grounding techniques, meditation, mindfulness, and ear seeds on pressure points on the ear were among the most effective methods for me individually. However, I only discovered these effective treatments through an incredible therapist, and I honestly wouldn't have known about them or tried them without her introducing them to me.
An amazing therapist really can make a world of difference, and the trauma you face because of a major surgery or chronic pancreatitis is nothing small, so I really do recommend seeking help if you find yourself facing difficulties post op.
I thought once I tackled PTSD, it would be gone for good, but I was wrong. It's not a one-and-done. I have much more to learn, but I'm glad to share what I have learned with everyone!
The Anniversary Effect
A couple of weeks ago, I was working on some fun projects with my husband and family. I could slowly feel this anxiety building inside of me that didn't have a source. Last week, I suddenly struggled with a panic attack, and it was triggered over the smallest disagreement with my husband. After I started to calm down, I thought to myself, this feels a lot like when I had PTSD. This anxiety made no sense, and I didn't even feel like myself. Then, I looked at the calendar and realized how close I was to the anniversary of my Total Pancreatectomy. I had to look up information on if your body can sense how close you are to the anniversary, even if your mind or consciousness doesn't acknowledge it. It does!
"This is known as the "anniversary effect" or "anniversary reaction," where the nervous system stores traumatic memories and triggers physical sensations—like anxiety, muscle tension, or sleeplessness—as the body "remembers" the date" -Johns Hopkins:
Grasping this concept allowed me to have a better understanding of my emotions, and since I've experienced this before, I know the steps I need to take to handle it again. Seeking assistance from a therapist is crucial. It's much easier to talk to and confide in a neutral person, and their techniques and insights can be incredibly helpful!
The Biggest Takeaway: What I have realized from my PTSD resurfacing due to the Anniversary Effect is that trauma can be complex. I believed that after addressing it and seeing the symptoms diminish for a while, my PTSD was gone for good. I assumed I had overcome the trauma, so when it unexpectedly returned this year, I felt vulnerable and felt the need to apologize to my family for dealing with this anxiety again, thinking I had already moved on. The reality is, no matter how long your PTSD persists, it's okay to seek support and assistance for your trauma. The duration of your PTSD determines how long you might need help, and for some, that can be a lifetime, and that's perfectly fine! It doesn't make you weak or imply you haven't moved forward, which is what I had thought of myself when I was facing my persistent PTSD anxiety again; sometimes, these challenges are beyond our control. Be kind to yourself and practice patience. Reacting to an anniversary is entirely normal, and with proper treatment and support, you can learn to manage your symptoms and continue to live a normal life!
Finding Joy and Strength in Every Anniversary
The anniversary effect is a challenge, but if you are the type to, I highly recommend celebrating your surgical anniversary! We call them Whippleversaries when we celebrate the anniversary of my Whipple! Haha! Even if it's hard, like it was this year, my husband still bought me a cake, because I survived another year! Another year we were able to share together! Looking back next year, I could remember the anxiety, but what I will remember much more vibrantly and delightfully is my sweet husband getting that cake for me. It was so hard this year, but making good memories is a great way to combat the effects of the bad.
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