Finding Hope In Desperate Times: A Journey Through Fear and Faith

When strength runs out and there is nothing to hold onto, what do you do? This question haunted me during one of the darkest chapters of my life. I have faced many medical battles and moments of helplessness, but nothing compares to the desperation I felt after I got a severe form of Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS). One minute, I was fine, making a pot of tea on the stove. The next, my body grew unbearably heavy. Within minutes, I could neither move nor speak. Sometimes, I could barely wiggle my fingers, but even that took extraordinary effort. It was a living nightmare.

This post shares my journey through that terrifying experience and how faith became my anchor when everything else slipped away.

The Sudden Onset of Desperation

Imagine standing in your kitchen, feeling perfectly normal, when suddenly your entire body feels like it weighs a thousand pounds. Your limbs refuse to obey, your voice disappears, and your mind drifts into a fog. This was my reality with POTS. Despite my blood pressure and heart rate remaining in a normal range, my brain and limbs were starved of proper blood circulation. I was trapped inside my own body, terrified and half-dreaming. I didn't have enough sodium, and needed a steroid shot to bring me out of these episodes.

The ambulance ride was a blur. I couldn't open my eyes and had to piece together what was happening in the world around me. The paramedics worked quickly, but I had no idea what was happening to myself or how long it would last. I felt like I was falling endlessly, with nothing solid to hold onto.

The Power of Reaching Out

In that moment of complete helplessness, I turned to the only source of solace I could rely on: Jesus. I prayed fervently, pleading for assistance. There was nothing within my power to change, and no one could be with me in that fearful and bewildering moment. I felt isolated and trapped. In such a situation, what are you supposed to do? It's easy to spiral into panic, feeling confined within yourself, unable to seek comfort from anyone or anything because everything you are is in your mind at that moment.

Suddenly, I felt a warmth in my chest, a quiet assurance that I was not alone. In my mind, I could almost feel His hand holding mine. He was sitting to my right, calm and steady, and He told me, "Just listen to the waves."

Confused, I glanced to my left and realized we were seated on a beach near the surf. I could see and hear the waves softly breaking on the shore. The sound was soothing, steady, and real. It was a moment of peace amid the chaos happening around me in the real world. At last, I could calm and compose myself, breathing in sync with the waves.

A peaceful beach scene with waves crashing softly

At the ER, they administered a steroid shot to see if it would help. Gradually, starting from my fingertips and toes, I began to regain sensation and movement. It was an agonizingly slow process that moved up my arms and legs, but after about 30 minutes, I was finally able to open my eyes and speak.

Understanding the Physical and Emotional Struggle

POTS is a complicated condition that impacts blood circulation and heart rate, frequently leading to dizziness, fainting (syncope) , and severe fatigue. For me, the most challenging aspect, apart from its intensity, is its unpredictability. At one moment, I might be functioning normally, and the next, I am unable to move and must either lie down or return to my wheelchair.

This unpredictability instills fear. You can never predict when your body might fail you. The emotional burden is significant. Even now, years after my diagnosis and the start of treatments, I remain at the mercy of this unpredictability.

Fear of the unknown:

I was unaware of the illness I was dealing with or when it would strike. Throughout the years of battling various medical conditions, I've discovered that "the enemy you know is better than the one you don't."

Isolation:

I felt incredibly isolated and terrified, as being trapped within myself during these episodes of paralysis was extremely distressing. It was a completely different level of trauma that I had no idea how to handle. My husband and my mother didn't know how to handle it either, but the way they comforted me was by assuring me everything was ok. It wasn't until one of my last ER visits that while I couldn't move or communicate, I heard my mom say, "...this is somehow scarier than when she had pancreatitis."

The moment she spoke was both comforting and heart-wrenching. It was reassuring to hear that they were just as frightened as I was, because it meant I wasn't alone in my feelings. The heartbreaking part was that, usually when I'm sick and in the ER, I crack silly jokes to lighten the mood. Instead, at that moment, I was trapped—I couldn't move, couldn't open my eyes, and couldn't do anything to comfort my mom while we waited for the steroid shot to gradually free me so I could move again.

Finding Strength in Faith, Prayer, and Mindfulness

This wasn't the first time I sought Jesus throughout my medical journey, but it was the most profound. He supported me when I was in urgent need, in a way I hadn't imagined possible. He is truly amazing, and if you need him, he will be there for you as well. If you're uncertain about His presence with you throughout the day, a nun from the Sisters of Life suggested reflecting on your day. You'll notice Him assisting you in various ways, even in the smallest details.

Whether or not you are a believer, when your back is against the wall in life it gives you the opportunity to reach out to Jesus and ask Him for help. He will be there. You just have to open that door! You just have to reach out to him. It is thanks to His love, and his blessings that I am here today, and it is thanks to His strength and his support that I continue to be able to fight. He led me to such an amazing Baptist Church, with the most amazing Church Family that I love with all my heart.

Key Bible Verses on Seeking God and Closeness:

• James 4:8 (KJV): "Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you..."

  
  

• Jeremiah 29:13 (NIV): "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

  
  

• 2 Chronicles 15:2 (NIV): "...The Lord is with you when you are with him. If you seek him, he will be found by you..."

  
  

• Psalm 145:18 (ESV): "The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth."

  
  

• Proverbs 8:17 (ESV): "I love those who love me, and those who seek me diligently find me."

I learned to be patient with myself and to seek both medical and spiritual support. Continued attendance with a church, especially before my diagnosis, was incredibly helpful. Every Sunday, provided I was well enough to go, I received warm, loving hugs from many wonderful members of my church family, which helped me face another challenging week. At the beginning of each service, we expressed gratitude to God for waking up that morning, for the ability to dress ourselves, and for being able to drive to and attend church. "It could have gone the other way!" We might not have woken up that morning! But thanks to God's amazing grace, we did wake up! Focusing on that blessing helped restore my sense of gratitude and thankfulness for every blessing in my life.

When physical strength fails, mental and spiritual strength can provide a lifeline. My faith gave me a sense of presence and calm when my body was failing me. The image of sitting by the waves became a mental refuge I could return to during episodes.

Here are some practical ways I found strength:

• Prayer and meditation: Quiet moments to connect with my faith and calm my mind.

• Visualization: Picturing serene environments, such as a beach or a hiking trail, to alleviate anxiety.

• Breathing exercises: Simple techniques to help regulate my heart rate and focus.

• Support networks: Reaching out to friends, family, therapy, and support groups on Facebook who understand POTS.

  
  

These tools helped me regain a sense of control and hope.

Moving Forward with Hope

Living with POTS means accepting uncertainty but not surrendering to it. My journey taught me that even when everything feels lost, Jesus is there for you. Faith became my anchor, and my compass.

If you or someone you know faces a similar struggle, remember:

• You are not alone.

• It’s okay to ask for help.

• Small moments of peace can build resilience.

• Faith can help you find inner strength through Jesus, and He can guide you through the darkest times.